How To Deal With Blood-Sucking Leeches Disguised As Wanna-Be Clients
- June 17th, 2011
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A Tribute Post For
People Fed Up With
Freebie Seekers
G’day
Tell me… be honest… was I too harsh with this guy?
Email correspondence pasted below.
Think big. Be different
Bret Thomson
——————————————
From: Trevor Mulldane
Sent: 26th May 2011 10:48am
To: Bret Thomson
Subject: Urgent copywriting project
Hi Bret
I saw you speak at a conference last year and I thought I’d give you a chance to write sales copy for my company.
We are launching an exciting piece of software for social media in two weeks time. We have two other copywriters submitting copy for this project. We will spilt-test your sales copy against the others to see which converts best. If your copy is successful, we will then let you write for our future projects. We are happy to pay you for future projects, however this project is just a test to see if you qualify.
Please submit some recent copy samples for me to review ASAP. Also, include your prices for writing a sales letter. Send your samples and prices to my assistant Sharon (Cc’d in this email) by C.O.B tomorrow, then she will send you the project brief.
We will need your first draft by next Friday June 3rd.
Trevor
—————————————–
From: Bret Thomson
Sent: 26th May 2011 11:21am
To: Trevor Mulldane
Subject: Re: Urgent copywriting project
Hi Trevor
Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m busy enough right now without writing copy for free.
Re prices: I don’t give out prices without my potential client filling out a essay writers detailed questionnaire and phone interview. This is the first step of my essential researching criteria.
I’m happy to send this to you anyway, as it will surely benefit you.
Good luck with your project.
Kind regards
Bret
—————————————
From: Trevor Mulldane
Sent: 26th May 2011 11:36am
To: Bret Thomson
Subject: Re: Re: Urgent copywriting project
Bret
I don’t have time for quizzes or games.
And frankly, your short sightedness surprises me. You could make a lot of money later on, once this product goes big.
I only contacted you because I saw you speak from stage and you essay writer sounded like you knew what you were talking about. Maybe I was wrong?
Send me your current copy examples anyway, and if I think your work is up to scratch, I may give you another chance.
Trevor
————————————–
From: Bret Thomson
Sent: 26th May 2011 11:57am
To: Trevor Mulldane
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Urgent copywriting project
Hi Trevor
I have to apologise. I didn’t realize we had met. I have to be honest… I’m a little confused. Are you sure it was me you saw speaking on stage?
Because I can’t remember wearing a t-shirt that read, “Feel-free-to-screw-me-over-and-I’ll-kiss-your-ass-for-free”.
Amazing coincidence though… because just this morning I sprung out of bed hoping someone would give me an “opportunity” to exchange my years of experience of writing million-dollar sales copy – for nothing!
Ohhh, sorry, my bad… you did say I may get paid later for a future job. Wow, thank you Mr. Scrooge (so generous).
Next week I had organized a special camping trip with my three sons for some long-overdue father-and-son time… Let me just text my boys and cancel the trip so I can work on your project for free. Oh joy…
Bret
www.BretThomson.com
P.S. If you ever need your house painted (for free)… or help moving heavy furniture, please make sure you ask me first. What an honor that would be.
—————————————
From: Trevor Mulldane
Sent: 26th May 2011 12:05pm
To: Bret Thomson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Urgent copywriting project
I will over look your smart-ass attempt of being funny and give you one last chance to be a part of this.
You obviously have no idea how much money this software launch will make.
Send me recent copy examples and prices ASAP or we will move forward without you.
Trevor
—————————————
From: Bret Thomson
Sent: 26th May 2011 12:28pm
To: Trevor Mulldane
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Urgent copywriting project
Hi Trevor
I’m sorry. Thanks for giving me a second chance for you to suck the bone marrow from my copywriting soul.
As requested, here are my most recent copy examples:
“They All Laughed When I Sat Down To Write Copy For Trevor
Because He’s Too Tight To Pay…”
“Give Me Just 3 Hours Working With Trevor
And He’ll Happily Milk Me As Dry As A Camels
Arse In A Sandstorm – Guilt Free – Guaranteed”
“Who Else Wants To Sell Their Soul To A
Knob-Jockey That Blatantly Exploits Talented
People To Selfishly Line His Own Pockets?”
—————————————–
From: Trevor Mulldane
Sent: 26th May 2011 12:34pm
To: Bret Thomson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Urgent copywriting project
Bret
You obviously don’t have the brains or maturity to comprehend the scope of what we are doing.
I only work with professionals, not idiots like yourself.
Trevor
——————————————-
From: Bret Thomson
Sent: 26th May 2011 12:39pm
To: Trevor Mulldane
Subject: jection
Hi Trevor
I am so mature.
You’re not – times a hundred!
No, wait… a MILLION!
—————————————
From: Trevor Mulldane
Sent: 26th May 2011 12:42pm
To: Bret Thomson
Subject: Re: jection
I’m not even going to give you the pleasure in responding.
—————————————
From: Bret Thomson
Sent: 26th May 2011 12:44pm
To: Trevor Mulldane
Subject: Re: Re: jection
But you just did.
————————————-
From: Trevor Mulldane
Sent: 26th May 2011 12:46pm
To: Bret Thomson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: jection
Fuck off.
————————————–
So again… was I too harsh?
Go ahead and leave a comment below – don’t be shy 😉
Think big. Be different…
Bret Thomson
Are you nuts Bret? That’s Trevor you’re dissing – yes – THE Trevor !
P.S. I saw you speak from stage today. I’ll contact you, and pay you, when I need some expert copy writing. Hope you’ll have me as a client !
Mwuahahahaha…. Bret,
Are you for REAL? Is this a figment of your crazy imagination or based on a real exchange of emails? If so, I can’t believe this Trevor kept coming back at you time and again. LOL. I seriously haven’t laughed so hard since I saw you speak on stage last weekend – yeah!
Thanks for taking the time to meet up in person. It was a pleasure to get to know you.
LOL – you had me laughing at the headline and it just got better and better!! The definition of diplomacy is the ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. I think you have mastered diplomacy! Rock on!
Ha Bret, that is bloody funny, espescially changing the subject line part way through. Btw I might take you up on the house painting lol.
Keep up the great work! I want one of those T-shirts when they come out.
Cheers
Steve
Lol.
That’s like asking a plumber to work for free becasue the building he’s laying the pipes for is going to be HUGELY successful.
Good luck with getting a plumber to work for you on that basis.
But you’d have more chance with that than getting Bret to write for free!! (cos the plumber probably needs to prove himself anyway…)
Please tell me that email exchange was not for real? The first 3-4 emails, sure. But after that? Someone really sent those to you? There are people that stupid really?
I’d like to say it’s unbelievable, but unfortunately it’s all too believable.
right on …… more authenticity like this in the world would save a lot of peeps a lot more time n heartache …. sadly a lot of peeps would sell their soul 4 nix …. thanks 4 the share, LOVE IT
That was sooo funny! I nearly fell off my chair laughing! What stupidity and cheek to ask for your services for FREE! Good luck to him if he can find anyone to work for nothing!
Outstanding!!
Outstanding!! Loved every response.
I totally agree with you!! Trevor positioned himself above you and your work even before he asked you…he set himself up and you simply buried him under his own pompassness!
Hey Bret
Trevor is definitely a close relative to a few ding-bats I’ve been approached by in my time – with similar responses to my initial “thanks but I’ll pass this time” message back.
Tha line “you’re not the person I thought you were” has been a god-send for me cause I’ve been able to write back and say, NOW we agree!
Love you loads SuperStar.
Jen xo
Considering he was canvassing you for work, he had a nerve to make out he was doing you a favour. And he offered no proof or even tangible incentive to convince you of the potential long-term benefit to you. All of which smells of a leech pretending to be a lion.
Personally, I wouldn’t have felt the need to rebut him with such rudeness, but I can see it was a great opportunity to express your inner fire! Hope this is the last ‘enquiry’ of this kind you ever receive. No one deserves this kind of disrespect. 🙂
Superb and good for you for standing up to Trevor.
One way to deal with people like this is to say…”WOW sounds like the next Microsoft! I tell you what, let’s do a royalty deal.
Because you’re so certain it’s going to be the next Paypal, You guarantee me and pay me $XXX upfront and when revenue goes above $XXX, pay me more!”
Basically get them to put their money where their mouth is. Although with that guy…
That was great!! Based on that content, I’d employ you as a copywriter any day lol
Brett,
I can’t believe you held back, you should’ve told Trevor how you really felt about the situation.. lol
Still laughing!
A dear friend of mine had a wonderful response to that:
“I don’t need the experience, and I don’t need it on my resume. Thank you!”
Not my choice of words but well done nonetheless. Bravo!
Haha, oh dear, I think there’s a whole league of Trevors our there!
Nicely handled. I’ll be sure and ask you to craft the response next time I get an “opportunity” like this…
LOL! Way to go Bret. I think I’ll add this to my email swipe file.
Have a great day!
Well done Bret, I am amazed at the culture of entitlement that everything has to be FREE on the internet. We are required to pay with real money at the supermarket, so until retailers say “ey Bret you did copy for free so today U can have FREE groceries” we have to exchange dollars for work done ey. Warmly George D.
Very funny, even the change of the email title at the end, which then led to Re: Jection… very good 🙂
Nice one Brett.
I can’t believe you passed up the opportunity to work with this self diagnosed legend.
Good on you Bret. Too harsh? No way. Isn’t it funny some of the games people play in business? Remember “games are a reflection of behaviour”. It’s the type of client you don’t need.
Bret a very good lesson for us all-have your boys texted back yet? Looking forward to the writings of Bret’s the next generation. John & laughing Marg (she had to take another blood pressure tablet after I read this to her)
This got me laughing out loud! Incredible how it played out…quite a tale and very entertaining!
This is so funny – so absolutely real though. I work with creative business owners as a business consultant (my niche) and one of the issues we deal with is the pitching process and the tangle between wanting to get the job and giving stuff away for free.
The sad truth is that a lot of clients do expect something for free to choose the best version, some even use the work without paying for it once it is done, and the even sadder thing is that most creative business owners actually do it. In the case of some companies it is really expensive copy, design, animation and the works and can be in the tens of thousands of dollars worth!
Of course Trevor is the very worst kind with his arrogance clearly oozing from his emails through his choice of language from the get-go.
Good for you for saying ‘No’ Brett. Of course your response is not quite how I would coach a client to do it ;o) I usually suggest that they do a proposal on what they would do when they got the job rather than actually do it, to offer some strategic insights on how it might be tackled should they get the job, or show past folio pieces as supporting evidence of their credentials.
Naturally if you don’t need the work then having fun with his head sounds perfectly entertaining as you have done. I laughed out loud ;o)
Thanks Bret – Kudos to YOU!! I loooooove people who have the spine and the wit to put blood sucking leeches back under their rock where they belong 😀 Mighty fine effort. My favourite part was when you changed the subject line to ‘jection’. LMAO
Should have told him you’d sleep with his wife for FREE!
I haven’t laughed that hard for ages – thanks for the FREE laugh!
I just love what you do and that’s why I hang around you. This bit of interaction helped me clarify what it is about you. You have this real talent for being totally professional in the most unprofessional way!!!!!! You handled Trevor brilliantly. Poor Trevor. He didn’t know – probably still doesn’t – what was happening for him.
Brett,
You just made me laugh out loud…seriously…
“They All Laughed When I Sat Down To Write Copy For Trevor
Because He’s Too Tight To Pay…”
If any “players” ever try to low-ball me again, they’re not getting a response from me…just a link to this post.
Thank you for the laugh,
John
Pete chortles with merriment. Classic! Had me laughing fit to burst. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who receives requests like this.
This main headline…
“Give Me Just 3 Hours Working With Trevor
And He’ll Happily Milk Me As Dry As A Camels
Arse In A Sandstorm – Guilt Free – Guaranteed”
Oh my giddy aunt!
Thanks for posting this up, inspired genius reply – excellent!
All the very best,
Pete Walker
SmokingHotCopy
Pretty dang funny. I would pray this guy was using a fake name while acting like a beer sour turd. You should go back to him, and apologize, and act like you want to write the copy. Get all the materials, keep asking for more information, and just screw with him back and forth as long as you can. See if you can identify a real name, and add to this post along with the updated correspondence…
OMG!!
Brett, you ROCK!
I wish I had the confidence to do that! I was literally laughing myself silly reading this – hilarious, but makes a great point about clients who just don’t get it.
LMAO!!!!
🙂
Excellent! Funniest bit is the change of the subject line… Re re re jection!!
LOVE it! What a complete jerkoff that guy is. The whole tirade gave me a much needed laugh – you should write for a sit. com:) you are that good.
Oh, and no, you weren’t too harsh
This was laugh-out-loud funny! I’ve had similar situations but I just firmly declined right up front so there were no ongoing follow up conversations. Clearly you must have fun with the overall interaction–and it’s always nice to get a chance to vent…but am wondering why you let him waste so much of your precious time? he certainly didn’t deserve it. People like that don’t “Get it” no matter what anyway.
Brett —
You were only too harsh on yourself. I would have blacklisted this guy’s address after the second email … but then, again, you would have missed the delightful fodder to mock him with in the following emails. I trust you’ve sent him a link to this discussion, so that he can see how much of a tool he really is.
Rich
Boys, boys, boys – whose WAS biggest?
You’re a hoot! And I still can’t believe how many coffees I’ve drunk while I let people pick at my brains. Obviously there was just not enough grey matter left to say no to the leeches. Hopefully it’s regrown now, hanging around people who know their worth – like you. Good on you, Bret. Hugs.
Catherine
I’m not going to lie, Trevor needs to get a fucking grip. Reality check!
“I don’t have time for quizzes or games. And frankly, your short sightedness surprises me.”
WTF. Who replies like this?
Mate, I can’t believe I haven’t seen this until now!! F**king brilliant.
Although I don’t seek new clients, I get this with design project enquiries occasionally and, whilst I’m a trifle more diplomatic (!), it’s always no. It amazes me how some folk think copywriters and designers can work for free this way (although some designers are that crazy, with those idiotic “competition” design sites where they all create artwork and only 1 gets paid — maybe Trevor has seen that site!). Imagine going up to 3 house builders, asking them all to build you a house, and then choosing which one to pay for.
I should send any future enquiries to this post, hahahahaha!!
Cheers, Deano
Hi Bret,
That is the funniest thing I’ve seen all year. I laughed so hard my wife came running in to the office… she thought I was choking! You have made my day.
Cheers,
Nick.
As a marketing consultant this happens quite often. These individuals always have a brilliant product or service that will flood and win the market so they want you to get in and help them with your time and expertise for a future reward. I normally end it by saying I am not interest – your exchange is hilarious and fun!
Interesting Bret – Perhaps it would have been more pertinent if Trevor was to first reveal his hand and had you sign a Confidentially Agreement so you could make an assessment. Contracts would then follow if indeed is was a real project set to place new software standards.
I have seen you speak from stage Bret – your credentials are already proven – wonder about his.
A great read – Thanks
Wow, the tactics of an aggressive loan collector, only he’s demanding free copy. Blatantly stupefying.
Dear Dr. Kristi, I have this terrible fear of bald pelope. Particularly bald old men. They seem to be everywhere these days! How do you suggest I deal with this issue?
This sounds like a “Trevor” that I ran across recently. I can’t believe that you / he wasted so much time and effort responding after the first few emails – I’d love to quote you on our website
Loved this. Am still laughing. Pretty colorful language that absolutely makes a point. Happily sharing, and glad to have found this site. Nice to meet you Bret!
Thanks Nancy – Glad you made it here too. 🙂
Jokes on you Thomson. We went on to make $1500 in the first month. You could have been part of it.
Trevor
Hey Brett
I am starting a new business, would you like to do all my copy for free! PLease dont tell me to F*** o*** I am joking!
Thats awesome….I cannot wait until my new business is succesful enough to not have to drop my pants to this rubbish. I currenlty work in corporate and clients screw your ass regularly to get what they want, apparently it’s a priveledge to work for them for a pittance! You have balls!
Trevor says:
August 14, 2012 at 4:20 pm
Jokes on you Thomson. We went on to make $1500 in the first month. You could have been part of it.
Trevor
$1500 in one month! Wow, that’s $8.65 an hour. I used to earn that at McDonalds when I was sixteen in 1994.
You’re my hero! Serves him right – he should just go to eLance.
Hey Bret!!
I seldom leave comments, but just simply had to, this time round, the added humour ( dished out in truckloads)did it!
Herein lies another one of your secrets; humour sells and can be a call for action! 🙂
You are awesome, funny, talented, balsy, CREATIVE, clever, hard working, and totally inspirational!
Love the way you keep going outside the box….
Watched every one of you videos and each had a “lesson” for me. Wonderful reminders!
I bought your program 2 years ago, and needed to “refresh”. You have improved your style even further, if it was possible?
You rock!
Thank you so much Mr. Inspiration ! 🙂
Edua
Your very own commitment to providing the information ended up being extraordinarily beneficial.
I wanted to express appreciation to the writer for making this awesome post!
Haha this is quality Bret! I’m going to try this the next time I get a “Trevor” come calling
That is totally awesome, like the other comments I am going to use this. Love your work 🙂
so funny should have told him to go to sashie and sasshie or interbrand at 120-000 that would have shut him up . your cheep compared to them what a loser
if he calls again send him on a plane to india and tell him to work for 3 dolars a day .
Brett, this makes me laugh because I’ve dealt with a few Trevors in the course of my career.
Never been quite as blunt with them as you were but I applaud you.
One guy reckoned if I worked for him for free he would give me a percentage of all the sales we would make as a result. I could retire within 12 months and he would give me a free trip to Europe. Just like Trevor, he couldn’t understand how a guy as smart as me couldn’t see what a once-in-a-liftime opportunity it was.
Keep up the great work, Bret.
Chris